Why do people hate me? If this is a question you’ve been asking yourself you probably deal with issues such as:
- Nobody calls me
- Nobody gives me compliments
- Only my family members show interest for me
- Only my mom loves me
- When I walk out of a room, everyone’s mood suddenly changes
- People don’t talk to me
- People ignore me
This article will provide you an answer to your question “Why do people hate me?”
1. You are too nice
Damn it! There is so much stuff to look at. Don´t stand close to anyone, don´t look angry, talk more, have a nice small talk, always say hi to people you know, don´t ask too personal questions, don´t disagree on delicate topics, bla bla bla. Do you really think people care a shit?
Couple of years ago I went to a workshop for applied psychology and hypnosis. Our trainer wanted to demonstrate some new coaching technique and asked, whoever has some kind of problem should please come to the stage. For demonstration purposes, he would do the coaching session with the person in front of us. A guy named Danny came on stage. It turned out, he hadn´t had any friends except his girlfriend. He was a lonely guy, but seemed to be nice. After the seminar, a friend of mine named Alex and I asked Danny to eat out with us so he could socialize and maybe make some new friends. He was a really nice guy. Unfortunately he was trying to be too nice to us all the time. He didn´t show his real face but rather agreed on everything we said. The conversation turned out to be boring as he lacked to have an own opinion. No, we didn´t hate him for this behavior. The conclusion from this is just that humans mostly prefer polarizing people, rather than someone who agrees to everything and doesn´t provide any stimulus. People just love to be challenged in a certain way.
But why do people hate me? Am I really too nice? Don´t get me wrong. There is nothing bad about being nice, but if you are overly nice you can really put people off. So remember, that it’s always better to be perceived as an average person with your own sets of relatable human faults than having an impeccable, shining visage. Mix up your behavior a bit. As a rule of thumb: For every four good deeds, reach out and just smack somebody in the mouth.
2. It’s not what you said, It’s about what you didn’t
If you´re still asking yourself “Why do people hate me?” it could be because you prefer to avoid social interactions instead of getting into the risk of being perceived as awkward or having to deal with certain types of people, where you don’t know exactly how they will behave towards you. So saying nothing and avoiding the interactions seems to be the safer deal.
Example #1: Imagine you are in a shopping mall and you run into a co-student or co-worker of yours. You might think that it is better to pretend you don’t see the person and just walk by without saying anything.
Example #2: There is this very popular co-worker of yours and he has birthday. Everyone comes up to him and wishes him a happy birthday and makes a little small talk. At the same time you just stay at the side of the group and prefer to say nothing as he had already so many persons wishing him a happy birthday. So you really wouldn’t make any difference and he wouldn’t remember it either.
Example #3: There is a party coming up and you get an invitation. You prefer to not have to deal with an explanation why you can’t come and just say nothing. You also don’t show up at the party.
Well, you think you are on the safe side as you just didn’t have to interact and nobody got hurt. Let me tell you that it is not that easy. People mostly notice when we don’t want to interact with them. So your co-student or co-worker will automatically have the image of you that you try to avoid him AND conclude that you probably do not like him. If they think that you don’t like them, then they will also start to dislike you. Try to build up your self-esteem over time to feel more confident in interactions with people. Here is an article that can help you to build confidence.
Keep in mind that for lots of people not saying a word is the bitterest insult possible. Yes, it’s even worse than insulting them directly.
To help you understand what I mean, think of it this way: You apply for a job. What is worse for you? A rejection letter OR no reply at all? Well, a rejection letter is pretty bad of course, but no reply at all is dismissive and disrespectful. It is a lot worse and many people will think that the human resource manager is an asshole of not taking the time to respond. This is how many people take your avoidance to speak to them.
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I hope this point could give you an answer to the question “Why do people hate me?” Remember that hate is not the opposite of love, but apathy is. For a lot of people you would be better off telling them to fuck off, because at least you are admitting that they matter.
3. Love yourself first
Have you ever heard the expression “Love your neighbor as yourself”? I think it is a nice bible verse BUT totally misunderstood by so many people. Most people focus on the “love your neighbor” but completely forget about the “yourself”. I am entirely convinced that loving yourself first is inevitable in order to be able to love others too.
Why do people hate me? They do so, because you hate yourself! Let’s take this on a more practical level. If you are unhappy about yourself and don’t like certain characteristics of yours, you will probably have a hard time accepting yourself as you are. This discontentment will lead to two things:
- You will dislike or have a hard time accepting people that are much better off than you, and
- Other people will perceive your negative feelings towards yourself on an unconscious level and also have a harder time in accepting you.
Here is my practical advice what you can do in this case: Learn to love yourself! Stop searching for things that you don’t like about yourself. Nobody is perfect on this planet! Absolutely no one! Instead start to focus on the things that you like about yourself. Now please, don’t tell me that there is nothing that you love about yourself! Everyone has something! And so do you!
So search for the things that you are talented in, that you like about your exterior and your interior, write them down (at least 10 things) and just be happy about it. Always remember that you have the equal right to be loved on this planet as everybody else has! Learn how to be the person everybody wants to hang out with! Click here to learn more!